I May Be Smarter Than I Think I Am
myfriendonIM: i just think that sometimes people dnt make much of an effort and it frustrates me. this week has sucked. i talked to her one day and she was shopping...no big deal...
tried to call her the next day...no answer...left message...never heard anything
talked to her the next day...trying to figure out christmas... said she would talk to her mom when she woke up and call me back...never heard anything. called today...wanted to take her to dinner and give presents...she is doing a family thing...that's not a big deal...she is doing family things until sunday...then monday she is doing the friend gift exchange...again not a big deal at all. she went to the movies one day with her bro and his friends...which isn't that big a deal b/c he is home from NY and doesn't get much time here...so i dnt care that she wants to spend some time with him. they went dancing the other night too... i just feel like if she wanted to hang out with me she could make more of an effort. is it b/c of christmas and im being petty or do i haev a legit complaint?
one more thing... talking to her tonight i felt like i was bothering her...i said "r u ok? i feel like im bothering you"...she was like no im just watchin tv
plastic castle32: well you have choices, as I see it. you can continue to put forth all of the effort, or you can balance it out. and balancing it out gives you two additional choices. you can call her as much as she calls you (rarely) and see what happens, or you can call her out and tell her that you're doing all the work and you need her to do a little bit too. I guess there's a 3rd option too, and that's just giving it all up completely.
myfriendonIM: i dnt wanna give up
plastic castle32: trust me, I have been, and continue to be in this position
myfriendonIM: megan...i know you have heard me say it b4 but she is incredible...sure there are things that annoy me...but what else is new...nobody's perfect...she appreciates and supports things no one has EVER done that i have dated and that means more to me than she knows
its definitely worth it...i just want to know what's going on in her head
i called her out on the way to Pitt last time... i said hey can i ask u something... What do you think of me? the question made her uncomfortable...she has a few issues being totally open about that i think...me i dnt care ill tell ya wht you want to know...but i understand her position too
plastic castle32: well is it a situation with a butterfly (if you let it go and it comes back yadda yadda) or is it a knock her over the head and tell her whats up?
myfriendonIM: i dnt know about butterflies and stuff...
sometimes i feel like since i am not at school with her if i did that since there are so many other guys around there id be long forgotten...i dnt know what i am basing that on other than my frustration right now
advice? what do youtthink i should do?
plastic castle32: I have no good advice- what I've learned from this situation is that guys are dicks and never want to commit to anything, even the word "girlfriend" and that it's probably a cross between being young and personality that is causing the issue. this guy I know is a self-proclaimed free spirit; in other words, he wants to act like a dick and explain it by the fact that "that's just the way I am." meanwhile, I want something just a little bit more. I'm not trying to marry him, but I am at the point in my life where I want a partner who will at the very least, admit that they are in love with me, and want to tell their friends about my existence. It isn't fair to me to expect any less.
myfriendonIM: agreed
plastic castle32: and even though I love him more than anyone else in the world, and I think he loves me, maybe not more than anyone else, but in an important way, he just can't do it. this guy I know is not in a position to give himself to someone else... emotionally or practically. it's not his fault, he's just not there, even though there is not that far ahead of him. so for me, no more expectations. I will always love him, but I'm letting him go, and if in the future, he gets a visa, and he stops being a freak- I think I will be there. but in the meantime, to save my heart and my head, I have to drop it. if I look at it as not completely FINAL and forever, it's not as hard.
plastic castle32: I'm not saying that's what you should be doing
plastic castle32: but it's what I've learned
tried to call her the next day...no answer...left message...never heard anything
talked to her the next day...trying to figure out christmas... said she would talk to her mom when she woke up and call me back...never heard anything. called today...wanted to take her to dinner and give presents...she is doing a family thing...that's not a big deal...she is doing family things until sunday...then monday she is doing the friend gift exchange...again not a big deal at all. she went to the movies one day with her bro and his friends...which isn't that big a deal b/c he is home from NY and doesn't get much time here...so i dnt care that she wants to spend some time with him. they went dancing the other night too... i just feel like if she wanted to hang out with me she could make more of an effort. is it b/c of christmas and im being petty or do i haev a legit complaint?
one more thing... talking to her tonight i felt like i was bothering her...i said "r u ok? i feel like im bothering you"...she was like no im just watchin tv
plastic castle32: well you have choices, as I see it. you can continue to put forth all of the effort, or you can balance it out. and balancing it out gives you two additional choices. you can call her as much as she calls you (rarely) and see what happens, or you can call her out and tell her that you're doing all the work and you need her to do a little bit too. I guess there's a 3rd option too, and that's just giving it all up completely.
myfriendonIM: i dnt wanna give up
plastic castle32: trust me, I have been, and continue to be in this position
myfriendonIM: megan...i know you have heard me say it b4 but she is incredible...sure there are things that annoy me...but what else is new...nobody's perfect...she appreciates and supports things no one has EVER done that i have dated and that means more to me than she knows
its definitely worth it...i just want to know what's going on in her head
i called her out on the way to Pitt last time... i said hey can i ask u something... What do you think of me? the question made her uncomfortable...she has a few issues being totally open about that i think...me i dnt care ill tell ya wht you want to know...but i understand her position too
plastic castle32: well is it a situation with a butterfly (if you let it go and it comes back yadda yadda) or is it a knock her over the head and tell her whats up?
myfriendonIM: i dnt know about butterflies and stuff...
sometimes i feel like since i am not at school with her if i did that since there are so many other guys around there id be long forgotten...i dnt know what i am basing that on other than my frustration right now
advice? what do youtthink i should do?
plastic castle32: I have no good advice- what I've learned from this situation is that guys are dicks and never want to commit to anything, even the word "girlfriend" and that it's probably a cross between being young and personality that is causing the issue. this guy I know is a self-proclaimed free spirit; in other words, he wants to act like a dick and explain it by the fact that "that's just the way I am." meanwhile, I want something just a little bit more. I'm not trying to marry him, but I am at the point in my life where I want a partner who will at the very least, admit that they are in love with me, and want to tell their friends about my existence. It isn't fair to me to expect any less.
myfriendonIM: agreed
plastic castle32: and even though I love him more than anyone else in the world, and I think he loves me, maybe not more than anyone else, but in an important way, he just can't do it. this guy I know is not in a position to give himself to someone else... emotionally or practically. it's not his fault, he's just not there, even though there is not that far ahead of him. so for me, no more expectations. I will always love him, but I'm letting him go, and if in the future, he gets a visa, and he stops being a freak- I think I will be there. but in the meantime, to save my heart and my head, I have to drop it. if I look at it as not completely FINAL and forever, it's not as hard.
plastic castle32: I'm not saying that's what you should be doing
plastic castle32: but it's what I've learned
posted by Megan at
10:02 PM
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