Lies: A Very Important List

• My job is great because I have a lot of power to make decisions for other people. Sometimes I can do something just because I feel like it. Not only that, but I am also able to distance myself from my advisees by keeping a strict policy of being only slightly honest with them about certain issues. This helps with any concern of them ever really getting to know me, or vice versa. It can all be very rewarding.
• Marriage is probably one of the best things for our society. People should pair up for life all the time, but only if it is a. legally recognized and b. accepted by all of society as "normal." If it is only one of the previous, that's sort of ok, but if it's neither, I find it disgusting. Love is so great.
• A good way to look professional at work is to get grease on your pants, notice it on your way out the door, and leave them on anyway.
• Staring, whistling, or making lewd comments towards co-workers is always a good idea, especially if said co-worker is a member of the opposite sex. Try walking around to the side of their desk, looking them up and down, and then saying, "You look hot today."
• There are no benefits to music.
• Pizza causes cancer. [Author's note: this could actually be true, because pretty much everything causes it somehow, but for the most part, I believe that not only is pizza amazing, but also not a carcinogen.]
• An entertaining thing to do when living in the same town as a college campus, is to hang around on the main avenue through the center of campus. If you are in high school, periodically cruise up and down the street and yell out any old thing to any one you see; male/female, international, black, citizen, whatever; go crazy! Bring eggs, coins, or cold beverages to throw!
• Filling an empty Diet Coke can with wine and calling it Jesus Juice is cool. And not weird.
• All dogs must die. In fact, let's ban together to rid the world of all domesticated animals, including parrots, goats and hedgehogs.
• TV is the root of all evil. So is shopping and salty food.
• Lists in 'blogs annoy people.