Return of the Queen

Things That Happened While I Was Gone

1. Someone put dirty laundry in the hallway.
2. Someone removed two of my healthy plants and replaced them with crunchy, brown ones.
3. No one took down any holiday decorations.
4. Someone left out a lot of wrapping paper.
5. The milk is rotten.
6. The foot or so of snow turned into flooding.
7. People sent me a lot of emails which I won't read.

Things That Happened Today

1. I almost didn't go to the airport on time because I'm illiterate.
2. It didn't matter because my flight was delayed.
3. We flew around over O'Hare for a while until it was ok to land.
4. Since the flight was delayed, I missed my flight from O'Hare to Columbus.
5. I booked another flight to Columbus instead and apologized profusely to my friend who was picking me up.
6. My luggage didn't make it onto the new plane.
7. The truck ran out of de-icer when we were trying to leave Damn Chicago.
8. We sat around for a while.
9. I arrived in Columbus about 3.5 hours later than expected. Sans luggage.

This is a problem because my Christmas presents, hair dryer, makeup, Napoleon Dynamite DVD, and awesome new satellite radio receiver are not with me. Neither are about 67% of my clothes. So I'm going to work in my pj's with dirty hair and dark circles under my eyes tomorrow. If people have a problem with it, they can contact my travel agent.