The Kid, The Storm, and The Dark
So I emailed my Grandma some lame life update and she replied the other day, you know, jus to say hi and that Auntie was in Boston the same time I was in California and was pissed about my better fortune in business travel. She also dropped the bomb that this girl who I knew from high school but didn't like very much's youngest brother killed himself and Grandma served the meal after the funeral.
It's always a real pisser to hear that someone died, especially in such a way, but for some reason the thought of this really threw me off yesterday. Perhaps it was her vivd description of the details (he bought a shotgun and took it to the park behind the city pool, put it under his chin and shot himself). I can guess pretty much exactly where in the park that would have been, because there is a particular place at that park you can go to not be seen from the road or the houses near by. Kids used to (ok, I'm sure they still do, but whatever) go back there to have sex when I was in high school. I'm guessing the experience won't be as "magical" any more. She also told me that he had been on Zoloft (or Prozac, or whatever) for a couple of weeks and wondered if maybe that was why he did it. (Sidebar: To my knowledge, antidepressants can cause suicidal ideations in teenages, but as far as I have read, it hasn't been in anyone over 18. 19 is close enough though.)
Perhaps it is the fact that my memory of him is as a 10 year old little brother of one of my brother's good friends in middle school. My memory of him is as a Kid looking uncomfortable in a tie at church or playing little league for the city, or running in and out of the room to agitate my brother and his friend at church functions. I can't imagine that normal Kid doing something like buying and using a shotgun on himself.
I have been there. (Not quite in line at the sporting counter at Wal-Mart waiting for my weapon, but glancing over at the other peole in that line as I walk past towards feminine hygeine products.) My next thought for him was, who missed this? Who was it that wondered if this might happen? Who did he speak with last, and did they beg him to cheer up or come over just to hang out? What could they have done to change what is now history? Truly, there is no one that will know or understand besides the Kid, and there very well may have been no one that could change what happened, and while I never really knew him, I wish him a better future than the one he found on this earth.
It's always a real pisser to hear that someone died, especially in such a way, but for some reason the thought of this really threw me off yesterday. Perhaps it was her vivd description of the details (he bought a shotgun and took it to the park behind the city pool, put it under his chin and shot himself). I can guess pretty much exactly where in the park that would have been, because there is a particular place at that park you can go to not be seen from the road or the houses near by. Kids used to (ok, I'm sure they still do, but whatever) go back there to have sex when I was in high school. I'm guessing the experience won't be as "magical" any more. She also told me that he had been on Zoloft (or Prozac, or whatever) for a couple of weeks and wondered if maybe that was why he did it. (Sidebar: To my knowledge, antidepressants can cause suicidal ideations in teenages, but as far as I have read, it hasn't been in anyone over 18. 19 is close enough though.)
Perhaps it is the fact that my memory of him is as a 10 year old little brother of one of my brother's good friends in middle school. My memory of him is as a Kid looking uncomfortable in a tie at church or playing little league for the city, or running in and out of the room to agitate my brother and his friend at church functions. I can't imagine that normal Kid doing something like buying and using a shotgun on himself.
I have been there. (Not quite in line at the sporting counter at Wal-Mart waiting for my weapon, but glancing over at the other peole in that line as I walk past towards feminine hygeine products.) My next thought for him was, who missed this? Who was it that wondered if this might happen? Who did he speak with last, and did they beg him to cheer up or come over just to hang out? What could they have done to change what is now history? Truly, there is no one that will know or understand besides the Kid, and there very well may have been no one that could change what happened, and while I never really knew him, I wish him a better future than the one he found on this earth.
posted by Megan at
7:56 PM
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