Other Things You Should Probably Know About Me

My Porn Star Name is: Candy Coxx

Get your own Porn Star Name

(A special holla out to ck for this fabulous insight into my personality!)

And, rather appropriately, since I've been having an affair with this album all year:

Float On by Modest Mouse

"Bad news comes don't you worry even when it lands Good news will work its way to all them plans" Laid back and real, people appreciated you for you are in 2004.

What 2004 Hit Song Are You?

Day of Peeing

I have a certain medical procedure this Wednesday that requires me to be on a liquid diet for the two days before the procedure. Today I can have whatever color liquid I would like, but tomorrow, I can only have clear liquids. That limits me to water, Sprite and Vodka on Tuesday. Let the two days solid of liquids and urination begin!
Also, I've already cheated today and had chocolate ice cream. But I let it melt...

Is It An Anecdote? Is It A Metaphor?

Every other Wednesday we have a Student Affairs meeting (not as cool as it sounds- actually has nothing to do with having affairs with students). This week, we had a very special Student Affairs Staff meeting about harnessing our creativity when we "slide down the dinosaur." "Sliding down the dinosaur" refers to leaving work to go home to do what you enjoy. For example, at the beginning of every episode of The Flintstones, Fred would hear the whistle/bird blow at the end of the day and slide down his dinosaur/backhoe to head home. The term was coined by one of the Student Affairs Staff Members that works in the Wellness Center.

Anyway, we divided up into groups to do some teambuilding based on the concept of actually leaving work and how you do that (as opposed to continuing to work after you leave the office, which, incidentally, is actually a major part of my job, but whatever). The facilitators posited that this is best done by harnessing your creativity. The best part of this activity was the fact that I got to open a present which held the materials for the actvity. To my sheer excitement, not only did I get to open a present (it doesn't take much for me) but there was also an envelope included that we weren't allowed to open until the end.

The activity itself was fun, and while I'm not sure I really learned anything, I did enjoy working with my team members. But perhaps most importantly, I was pleased to find out that I am still delighted with the simple pleasure of opening a gift. The surprise and intrigue is the best part, if not finding that the goodies inside are even more exciting. While the inside of the present is important, the opportunity a wrapped gift signifies is far more exciting to me.

Then there's the concept of the "do not open until later" gift, or in this case, the envelope we couldn't open until the end of the activity. There is something about knowing that you will get to reveal a surprise eventually, but must first delay the gratification of immediately knowing that surprise. Is that asinine? Or is it that you always want what you can't have? Regardless, it's one of those simple pleasures in life that I like to take advantage of when ever I get the chance. (In other words, get me more presents!)

All that being said, the delay of gratification, the excitement of finding what is inside; I still love it when I'm allowed to open something early. I think that's part of what makes presents exciting, there's always the off-chance that mom or dad will go outside of the "rules" and let you open just one present on Christmas Eve. Part of the excitement of gift giving and receiving must be the effect it has only moments before you figure out the surprise.

As it turns out, the envelope that we had to wait to open at the end of the activity only said what the day's goal was, and nothing more. Regardless, it was still fun to wait and still fun to open. The Hallmark moral of the story? Buy people more cards and more presents, if nothing but for the sheer excitment of wondering what will happen next, and sometimes, let them open them early.

Is Nothing Sacred?

Trying desperately to think of something to say, I sat there, in the closet, waiting for my mother to say something to me.

"I promise," I said, "I didn't mean it like that and you know it." I was calmer at that point, and in my mind at least, more rational.

I had just made the horrible mistake of telling my mom over the phone that the main reason I came home all the time during my freshman year was because of the boyfriend. That is NOT what I meant. I was still going through "that depression thing" and going away from college, which at the time seemed to be the source of all the problems, felt like a good idea. It also just so happened that I could make out if I went home too.

She was mad and I think that I made her cry. I was mad too. It was my sophomore year and I didn't have time to come home anymore. Not as much as they wanted me to. I also wasn't telling them how I was, or calling as often. Apparently, I was growing up (developing, as they say in the field) and it made my parents nervous. Understandably.

On the other hand, I was very tired, too tired for a 19-year-old to be, and I was figuring things out. One was that I didn't want to teach. The other was that my parents were starting to hate each other, and still another was that God was turning out not to be a real thing to me anymore.

"What if I come back next week, and then two weeks after that is spring break I think? Can you or dad come get me then?"

Somehow I managed to quell her anger for the time being. Somehow I also managed to start lying about what I wanted, which I have recently been told I still do. I like to look at it as a courtesy to those around me. Just be glad you don't know what I'm really thinking...

For My Favorites

I recently found out two real people (these would be people that I know in the flesh -not like that- as opposed to people I know electronically) are reading this POS.
Anyway, I thought I'd say hello and thanks for checking in. Remeber: do as I say, not as I do...

Fercho- You're amazing. Don't eat yellow snow.
Josh- Yes, it's all my original material. Keep your eye on the ball. p.s. you're amazing...
Mike- Also amazing, but may I say, we just don't see enough of each other around the office- wait... Stay away from the moldy cheese, buddy.
Nene- Another favorite. Once someone confused you for me and I was more flattered than I think I've ever been. You're amazing. Keep dancing to the Xmas music, girlfriend!
Zig Balls- yeah, I said it. Regardless, you might be... what is it? Amazing. A good way to get me to hire you for the summer is to buy me presents. All the best of luck.

the world is a better place with people like you running around haphazordly around in it
--m.k.

Something You Should Know About Me

He LOOKS Confused

W. wants you to remember The Muslims attacked us.

George delivered his inaugural speech this afternoon to a crowd of tens of interested spectators. Per norm, he brought up the "terrist" threat, reminding us of our "en-mees:"

For as long as whole regions of the world simmer in resentment and tyranny -- prone to ideologies that feed hatred and excuse murder -- violence will gather...

Thanks for helping us to remember the weak foreigners are the ones who have hurt us.

We'll Take a Death Cab to the Airport for Our Honeymoon

It's coming February 8.
Will one of you marry me?

Desperate Times, Desperate Measures

It is 20 minutes until 7:00. I just arrived home from work to eat something. I intend to go back there when I am done eating. Is it ok if I eat part of this cheeseball from before Christmas? If it's not ok, is it because it might be bad, or is it because it might be pathetic?

UPDATE: 10: 23pm: I opted out of the cheeseball, however I put it back in the refridgerator for some reason. I'm giving it another chance, I guess. I am home now from the office, for what I beleive to be the night, but at this rate who knows.

You Look Mahvelous

There aren't, apparently any of these of me on here, so I thought why not treat the regulars to some face time.
This picture is from Fall Training (which occurs in August, not Fall) and in the middle of a very hot day spent not in the air conditioning. Take note of my fouled up collar and disheveled, limp hair (which is currently shorter than this). Also note how my eyes don't look entirely open. Typical.

Recent Events Remind You of This

It's only a matter of time before I start writing about god and faith and what I think that really is. Just telling you. This has been your warning.

Beware the Wolf-Dog

Apparently there is such a thing as "wolf dogs" and people are killing them in Cleveland!
It is my opinion that this story is both weird as hell and screwed up. Who knew?
p.s. There is no state law against owning a hybrid wolf-dog. Which is a relief because I've been having suspicions about Boomer.

A Girl Can Dream

What all my students are looking forward to doing when they get back here this weekend.

More News from Hell

CNN reports on a Sri Lankan girl who was raped by her "rescuer" during the tsunami. See Seibu's 'blog for his thoughts and a link. Apparently the man pulled her out of the water and into a bush, warning her that if she screamed he could kill her and no one would know. Fearing shame on her family, the girl agreed to an interview if her name and no pictures were released. She was treated the following day by doctors in a clinic who gave her "some pills to prevent pregnancy."

On a similar note, the FDA again examines the possibility of approving Plan B for over the counter status:

Anne Liske, executive director of the New York State Coalition Against Sexual Assault, said the decision should be left to the woman. "The victim needs to be in charge of decisions about her care," she said.

duh.
And on the other hand:

By giving emergency contraception, he [Dr. George Isajiw of Lansdowne, a board member of Physicians for Life, a Philadelphia antiabortion group] said, "you're giving a dangerous drug that's not doing any good, or else you're causing an abortion. As a moral principle, a woman has the right to defend herself against an aggressor. But she doesn't have the right to kill the baby."

The doctor went on to say, "She also doesn't have the right to make her own decisions. As a woman, she's too stupid to do that."

Idiots.

I Recently Got Into This

not like that

It Takes Shit to Make Bliss

and I feel pretty blissfully.

Something attacked my immune system somewhere between Colorado and Ohio, and to say that I had a shitty day on Friday would probably be an understatement. A friend asked me on the phone if I was puking or something. I only wish that I was.

Anyway, I recovered from any immediate symptoms and have not been able to walk more than to the dumpster outside without getting out of breath. Fighting off baddies can really wear a girl down, especially in an internal attack. At least I'm not pregnant.

In other news, my luggage came back on Thursday night (perhaps there was an evil airborn virus trapped inside my duffel that was released when I opened my duffle and put me on my toilet, so to speak, the following day). Anyway, everything seems to be here and in working order, so I'm glad. At least I lost it coming home, where there are other clothes and clean underpants for me. All is not lost, I suppose.

As life gets longer, awful feels softer, and it feels pretty soft to me.

10 points and my adoration go to the first person who knows what I'm talking about in the title and that last line.
Props to seibu, good job buddy.

If A Penny Is Pinched Alone in a Forrest, Does the IRS Still Hear It?

Not to be cynical or anything, but come on people... We complained about Bush not giving enough money, but we don't do it either. Monetarily at least. If you can't, at least volunteer for the organization of your choice. Here it is...


Op-Ed Columnist: Land of Penny Pinchers

January 5, 2005
By NICHOLAS D. KRISTOF



When disaster strikes, Americans reach into their pockets.
The rest of the time, we're tightwads.

Return of the Queen

Things That Happened While I Was Gone

1. Someone put dirty laundry in the hallway.
2. Someone removed two of my healthy plants and replaced them with crunchy, brown ones.
3. No one took down any holiday decorations.
4. Someone left out a lot of wrapping paper.
5. The milk is rotten.
6. The foot or so of snow turned into flooding.
7. People sent me a lot of emails which I won't read.

Things That Happened Today

1. I almost didn't go to the airport on time because I'm illiterate.
2. It didn't matter because my flight was delayed.
3. We flew around over O'Hare for a while until it was ok to land.
4. Since the flight was delayed, I missed my flight from O'Hare to Columbus.
5. I booked another flight to Columbus instead and apologized profusely to my friend who was picking me up.
6. My luggage didn't make it onto the new plane.
7. The truck ran out of de-icer when we were trying to leave Damn Chicago.
8. We sat around for a while.
9. I arrived in Columbus about 3.5 hours later than expected. Sans luggage.

This is a problem because my Christmas presents, hair dryer, makeup, Napoleon Dynamite DVD, and awesome new satellite radio receiver are not with me. Neither are about 67% of my clothes. So I'm going to work in my pj's with dirty hair and dark circles under my eyes tomorrow. If people have a problem with it, they can contact my travel agent.