All The Ballers Is Bouncin'

...they like the way I be leanin.

The only thing I'll say about Thanksgiving is that, as usual, I spent a good deal of time with my little brother (who will always be little even though he's a foot taller and 20 years old). One thing that I like about my brother is how he will engage in the most elaborate of acts just to be funny. He recently took a job DJing at the local skating rink by our dad's house, and in the town we both went to high school in. (Even the name cracks me up- the Roller Haven Fun Center, henceforth known as RHFC.) Truth be told, he needs the money, but with the 12 hours a week he gets, there's not a whole lot of that going on. I secretly believe that the real reason he is a DJ for the likes of mere middle school children is because it truly is a funny story to tell. He doesn't own roller blades, and in fact, I'm almost positive he can't skate.

The benefits of the job are almost endless (and again, it's list time.)

1. Get paid for playing music, even if it sucks.
2. Say stupid shit in the mic.
3. Hit on girls who are 5-6 years younger than yourself. (p.s. this is illegal, but the whole request thing gives you a good cover)
   
4. Occasional floor guarding=falling on your ass, but with a good excuse this time instead of like usual.
5. All you can eat popcorn... off the floor.

There's more, but not being the one who works there, I'm not entirely sure what they are. In fact, I think during my middle school career, I went to the RHFC maybe twice. I didn't much engage in the kinds of things that involve that much repetition, like walking the fair (that's a whole different post altogether). Anyway, maybe he'll write in with more benefits later.

I myself have gained one small benefit from the job as well: The RHFC Fun Mix 2004. Yes, the top 13 most requested tracks according to my little brother. Before you go asking why I would want to hear Over and Over- over... and over... again, it was free, and it occupied him for about 15 minutes while he selected and (again, illegally) burned them onto a CD for me. I have listened twice now and have picked up on several things that I hadn't realized since becoming... well, 17. (Again, with the listing.)

1. There is some concern with dirt being on people's shoulders.
2. Eminem is back again. I hadn't realized he'd gone anywhere.
3. Someone is using the guitar lick from Crazy Train in their indistinguishable rap- the only saving grace of the song is that I can practice my guitar fingering while listening.
4. I want nothing to do with that girl's "goodies" unless it involves some sort of delicious fudge or ice cream.
5. URsher is having serious issues with fire. I saw his video for Confessions once, and all I could think was, "Dancing on that piano is a good way to get it out of tune, you moron!"
6. The Freak-a-Leek song should come with a disclaimer: Caution: Do not listen if you have any self respect.
7. Oh my god Becky, Sir Mix Alot is still being requested! That butt you got makes me me me so horny...
8. Someone has invented a time machine. It goes back to 1985. Someone is trapped there.
   
9. Snoop D-O-double G gives me indigestion. Always has, ever since the 1, 2, 3 and to tha 4... Drop it like it's hawt, Snoop.
   
10. Someone is singing about saving the eagles- dropping down and getting them on, even.
11. Never fails, there's at least one country song- RHFC hasn't changed a bit. When the sun goes down we'll be groovin'. That what I was just thinking.

So there you have it. All you cared to learn about the RHFC, popular music (in our town anyway), and just a bit about my little brother. Now, if you don't mind, I need to go tend to my shoulders. Ladies is pimps too! Apparently.

Hello, Hello...

I am getting so sick of that G-D f-ing Vertigo song!!!! (attn Bono: yes, I will still have your baby, this is nothing personal against you or the guys) 14 does NOT come after three, for the love of gradeschool spanish class!

The Apparent Funniest Thing I've Ever Said

myfriendonIM: ok does it sound like he's interested in me as a friend or as a girl to date
myfriendonIM: cause i haven't figured that out yet
myfriendonIM: and i'd like to know before i decide to hang out
myfriendonIM: he doesn't call kym ever
plastic castle32: well you're asking the girl who regularly goes out to lunch with some guy who still lives with his ex girlfriend
myfriendonIM: hahahahahahahahaha
myfriendonIM: that's the funniest thing you have ever said

Add This to My Festivus List

I would like to have this, please.

The Purple Beach Ball and the Computer Monitor

"See, the house used to be owned by a lesbian couple, and the one just up and left, and so this one's gotta take care of the house."

John kept scrolling through digital pictures of the house he might buy. All night long we had been back and forth with each other making little comments about the election, terrorism, or whatever it was we thought would push each other's buttons. John had worked on the Bush campaign up in the suburbs of Cleveland for some time during the summer.

I looked at Carly, and as we were standing there in the middle of a bank of computers, lit in an ugly way by fluorescent lights and smelling of old coffee, and decided to go for it.

"Oh my god, John, what if you move in and some of their gayness rubs off on you?!"

"I'm not some homophobe anything, I don't care what they do."

He started to say something else, and I started to get that gross feeling you get when you remember a bad relationship or cheating on a test in 7th grade. I changed my mind and decided I was too tired for this.

"Letting them get married is like calling that a purple beach ball," he pointed to the computer monitor next to us. I blinked, I think my mouth was open. I heard Carly suck in some air.

"Never mind," I said, "This is something I feel very strongly about and I don't think we want to talk about it right now." I was hoping that he would be more in the mood for fun and less in the mood for picking a fight with me.

"No seriously-"

"Do you think gay people don't fall in love?" I asked.

"Do you have to be in love to get married?" he retorted.

"No of course not, fortunately. But why wouldn't some people be allowed to have the choice and others do?"

"We're going to get in a fight," Carly said, and just like it started, the conversation was over.

I regret not ignoring Carly and challenging John more. I don't know if anything I said in the short time I was talking seeped into his big head or not, but I can only hope. Maybe one day people will stop making fallacies in their arguments against gay marriage. Maybe one day I won't have to worry that there is even an argument against it, let alone be dumbfounded by the way some people think.

Crying Out Loud (as opposed to some other kind of creepy silent crying)

I'm tired and I can't think of a thing to say that isn't whiney.
Please sign me up for a foot massage before I go off the deep end.

douchebag 

Paying for Stamps will Never Be the Same

About a month ago, I was deep in the midst of a hard-core addiction. I suffer from these episodes occasionally and only recently just noticed I am back off the wagon again. I'm not ready to talk about the new drug yet, but I feel that talking about the last time will help me to get through this one and on to different stuff.

I am addicted to albums. Not like the vinyl kind, although if I had more money and a better job and extra time on my hands, I might consider buying a record player and re-doing my music collection in vinyl. No, I'm addicted to new artists, or at least the artists that are new to me.

A few months ago (ok, it was a long addiction that started some time in January and I am only just recently able to tear myself away) it was the Postal Service and their album Give Up. Now the gentlemen from Postal Service may be familiar to some- they are, as it turns out, the very same gentlemen who front and play in Death Cab for Cutie (which also has addictive potential). Their songs make me feel all goofy and tingly and numb in my arms and they are very good for getting ready: whether it's for work or for going to watch the Brown's at BW3s. I like them. And if my very accurate and descriptive explanation of my addiction wasn't enough, you could always look at these motha fuckin' lyrics:

I am thinking it's a sign/that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images/and when we kiss they're perfectly aligned.

Yeah.
The Postal Service.

Fall Into the Gap

The gender gap is alive and well. The electorate favored President Bush over John Kerry by a three point margin (51 percent to 48 percent). But among men and women there exists a 7 point divide – 55 percent of men voted for Bush, while 48 percent of women supported him. Forty-four percent of men favored Kerry, while a majority of women (51 percent) voted for Kerry.3

(The above is from a memo put out by Lake Snell Perry & Associates who conducted their research based on exit polls from the recent election.)

I have a problem with this. Why is the country notably divided (though I will admit, it doesn't seem like a HUGE margin, though I guess it could be worse like 2000's 10 point margin) based on gender? Is it partially because George hates women? And so does Dick, in fact he hates his own daughter so much he condemns her simply because of who she loves. Is it partially because Republicans hate women? Is it partially because John Ashcroft not only hates American women but the Afghani's, Iraqui's and -what the heck, why not- Belgian's too?

Or is it because we live in a primarily patriarchal society?

From the News Desk

It is 11:00pm, Yasser Arafat has died.
Ashcroft has resigned.
So has my supervisor.
There have been several sightings in the tri-state area of unidentified flying objects circling several local farms. One Wayne County man described the sight, "Sows. USDA grade, I'd reckon."
Also there are some 'pretty good temperature fluctuations' here in Northeast Ohio.

Of Conferences and Collisions

Just got back from a conference in Cleveland- Great Lakes Association of College and University Housing Officers, to be exact. I'm tired and overly professionally developed. I could go months now without any contact with other professionals in the field and be ok. Oh wait, there's a different conference coming up next Monday. Where does the time go.
Conferences are weird. There seems to be a lot of forced interactions, fake excitement about programming and weird levels of being tired versus being drunk. When I was a kid in college (three years ago, so what) it used to be that you "hooked up" with people when you went to conferences. Now that I go to these things with adults, no one hooks up (to my knowlege) but they certainly do their share of drinking. For an organization of people whose careers practically revolve around teaching college students how to be responsible adults, we sure can go crazy with the alcohol. In fact, I'm still wasted from Monday night as I write this.
Just kidding, grandma.
I'm going to go crash on the couch; collide with Napdom, Sleepy Town, and/or Dream Land.

Fwd: No subject

Thank you for e-mailing President Bush. Your ideas and comments are very
important to him.

Because of the large volume of e-mail received, the President cannot
personally respond to each message. However, the White House staff
considers and reports citizen ideas and concerns.

In addition to President@WhiteHouse.gov, we have developed White House Web
Mail, an automated e-mail response system. Please access
http://www.whitehouse.gov/webmail to submit comments on a specific issue.

Additionally, we welcome you to visit our website for the most up-to-date
information on current events and topics of interest to you.

Meet Me At the Revolution: How to Recover From a Brutal Loss

I just returned from an open forum on racisim and hate crimes. It was in response to two incidents of ignorant graffiti (swastikas, racial slurs, etc.) scribbled in two different buildings on two different days. For obvious reasons, many students are upset, and two particularly pro-active ones organized the open forum in response. I estimate that the slightly under 200 person crowd emerged two and a half hours later a little bit more well-informed, a little bit more conscious, and a little bit more energized. While many made remarks out of ignorance, many more made thoughtful comments founded in fact and experience. Some people who didn't know what to think at the beginning of the week are now forming opinionson their own, all thanks to two students who took it upon themselves to stop blaming "The Administration" and do something.
All night last night I dreamt about what I would do if I got my hands on George. All day long I whined, mulled and bitched about the results of the election. I am hurt, disappointed, fearful and angry. Results of the local election even upset me. I declared that the only thing good about yesterday was that my period started. At least I'm not pregnant.
In my day-long exploration of responses and evaluations of the elections, I read about a lot of frustrations. I also read messages of hope.

While there will be tests for us ahead, we are prepared and we are ready. Our hearts will mend and our spirits will only grow stronger. Thank you again for your amazing efforts. Many thanks,
(Cheryl A. Jacques
President, Human Rights Campaign)


There is no way we are going to win this war, or even win a battle, if we don't work together. At the March for Women's Lives, we saw the strength of our numbers, our commitment, and our determination to take a stand. So let's make our voices heard.
(Planned Parenthood 11/2/04)

We will keep marching toward that one America and we're not going to stop until we get there. (APPLAUSE) You know, I've learned a lot of lessons in my life. Two of the most important are first, there will always be heartache and struggle. You can't make it go away. But the other is that people of good and strong will can make a difference. And we can make a difference. Rest assured, we will make a difference. One lesson is a sad lesson, but the other lesson is inspiring. And we are Americans, and so we choose to be inspired. We choose to be inspired because we know we can do better, because this is America, where everything is still possible.
(John Edwards 11/2/04)

And John Kerry: http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2004/11/03/national/election.slide.five.jpg

I am making a promise now, here in writing. Had the presidential election gone a different way, the fight would still be on. Since it has gone this way, the fight is just going to be different. I promise to keep being in that fight, and I promise to do more for it.
So take that Mr. President, you only made me cry for one day. Now, as the great John Paul Jones once said, "I have not yet begun to fight."

More Dramatic Than You Thought I Could Be

It is difficult to swallow my lunch with the ominous lump which is now lodged, seemingly forever, in my throat, choking back the voice that I thought I had.

It's Later Tonight

Dear John,
I'm not sure whether or not you'll get this by the end of Later Tonight, but I don't know if I really care any more. I feel like maybe you have let me down in so many ways that it hurts me more to stay with you than it does to let you go. That's why I've decided that we should break up. It's not you, it's me.
No, come to think of it, it is you. Why didn't you spend more time with me here in Ohio?? I know that things could have been better if you would have just come around more often. You made all these promises to me and when it came time to make good on those promises, you just seemed to hem and haw (or flip flop, if you will) on your decisions. I deserve better.
True to form, I'll probably cry over you for several days until I take up with another man (or, in this case, an entirely different country, say, Canada) who is, if it's possible, even less good for me than you were. Maybe as a final "fuck you and goodbye," I'll make it that guy my friend Ralph, who I really identify with more anyway.
I really do hope that everything turns out okay for you in the future. Please send your wife my regards.
Sincerely Up Yours,
Megan

Boys To Stop Making Out With

1. Nathan
2. Brandon
3. Bob
4. Brandon (I know!)
5. Silas
6. Ashlee Simpson (whatever)
7. Misc.
   
8. John F. Kerry
   

Nausea Sets In

I am so nervous about Later Tonight that it's starting to make me feel physically ill. Maybe it's the Mexican food I ate at lunch. Maybe it's the news that yet another boy has taken to letting me down. On purpose.
I cheated on my last serious boyfriend. There. I said it and now it's out like in a long and horrible game of drunken "Never Have I Ever..." Out like a boner in sweatpants. Out like a lesbian at an Indigo Girls concert (did I cross the line yet?) I sometimes use this event as the explanation for why I tend to gravitate towards boys who are not good enough for me. Never mind the fact that the boy I cheated on treated me badly in the first place, or that I actually thought that the boy I cheated with would actually fall in love with me. I like to pretend that having the experience of sneaking out to the living room in the middle of the night to make out with my boyfriend's roommate was going to give me character. Who knew that all along during all those "family" dinners with all the roommates, that one in particular (who was not my boyfriend) would have his hand on my knee under the table? Experience. And a lifetime (ok, well several years can be a really long time) of regrets, guilt, and -oh yeah- don't forget about the anxiety.
Occasionally when I'm trying to fall asleep at night, when I can't get thoughts out of my head and I can't stop imagining scenarios where where we have a full set of Antonin Scalias running the supreme court for the next 40 years or clothes hangers become the preferred medical equipment of back alley surgeons, my heart starts beating fast, my stomach churns (it has been known to make noises for no apparent reason!), I get either too hot or too cold, and I start breathing faster. This is what's known as anxiety. It rarely happens during the day, but it's been known to take over in a few extreme cases. Today, there is one of two things causing this tiny panic attack to take over my evening.
I'm no stranger to being let down by boys, and today I get the sinking feeling that letdown is on the horizon. Hopefully the next name I add to the list of boys to stop kissing does not become "John Kerry."
Hope is on the way!